Posted in General Updats, Milestones

Baby Story

Three weeks ago, my world changed forever. I became responsible for the very life of the cutest little boy you can imagine. He has his daddy’s big blue eyes and my dark hair. His birth was dramatic; uncomfortable, scary, and almost life-threatening at points. It was 100% worth it. This is his birth story.

The day of my 39 weeks check up, my nurse noted I had high blood pressure, a first for my pregnancy. It was high enough to throw a red flag and she asked me to come back the following day (a Friday) and retest. If it was still high, they would talk about inducing me. My husband was away on a last minute business trip. He was due back Sunday. I asked if I could wait the weekend, come in Monday, so the baby’s dad could be there. The OB agreed.

Sunday night my husband came home and first thing Monday I was in the OB being tested for preeclampsia. It all happened so fast and before I knew it I was on fluids in the Labor and Delivery portion of the hospital and they were putting in a Foley bulb (ugh, they are from hell) to force me to dilate. At 39 weeks 4 days, I wasn’t dilated in the least. The midwife putting in the bulb said I might have “mild cramping”. Understatement of the year. The ensuing contractions had me in tears on the way home. I was to come back in the morning for my induction, at which point I should be dilated to 4 or 5 cm.

39 weeks; morning of delivery
My last pregnant selfie in the wee hours of Tuesday morning…

At 5 o’clock the next morning, my husband, mother, younger sister and I packed up and headed to the hospital. I was still in pain, but less so once the Foley bulb naturally came out around 1 a.m. By 7:30 I was hooked up to a variety of IVs and drugs and by 8:30 my water broke. By 4 p.m. I had only progressed to 6cm dilated. The doctors were concerned. I was groggy from the drugs, but I could tell by their faces, and my family’s demeanor, that something was wrong. Later I learned my blood pressure was so high I was nearing the level of stroke/seizures. At the time though, I just wanted my baby out. The contractions were coming fast, with only a few seconds of rest in between. I was in and out of a dream-like state (honestly, it felt like being drunk) and my biggest concern was having the baby before I had to switch my female doctor for the male doctor scheduled for night shift. That was a lost cause, but the doctor I had been laboring with gave me an epidural before she left.

Another 8 hours of contractions left me snarky and sarcastic with my patient team of doctors and nurses. I didn’t blame my husband, hit anyone, or scream obscenities. I said a very bad word one time, when the baby’s shoulders finally came out, but otherwise I was just generally a feminist who was too scared of accidentally pooping to push properly. (Yeah, that was hands-down the worst part; fear of pooping/feeling like you were gonna. I didn’t, but still. It left my baby pinned under my pelvic bone for 6 hours and gave him an impressive conehead, according to the staff’s notes).

At 11:51 p.m., 34 hours after my contractions began and 9 minutes before his due date, Ronan was born.

For the first 24 hours of his life, I was on a magnesium IV and still felt out-of-it. My husband was absolutely smitten with our son, but I still felt groggy and disconnected. At midnight on Wednesday, they turned off the magnesium and it was like magic. My head cleared and I was IN LOVE with this tiny child. I had cared for him the day before (even on drugs, I love kids and knew he needed me), but – off the magnesium – I relished every moment. Thursday was a great day. I had meals delivered, a fantastic nursing staff at the touch of a button, and my husband brought me Starbucks iced tea throughout the day. Best of all, I had my tiny son to cuddle and love on.

We went home Friday afternoon, though they almost kept me another day. I have neverIMG_20170514_050501292 been so scared to be responsible for a baby, despite a decade of babysitting and having four younger siblings. I am eternally grateful that my mother flew out to stay for three weeks. She made the transition much easier.

So here we are, three weeks later, and finally settling into a routine. I have officially joined the mommy club and it is my favorite thing ever. 🙂

Posted in Milestones, Musings on Mommyhood

Good Wife?

Trying to be a good wife over here, but honestly struggling. My husband is talking about going out of town for the weekend with his nephew. They’ve been talking about going hiking for awhile, but I feel like now that we are three weeks from the due date (with a hospital bag packed) it is a really bad idea to go off in the mountains with limited cell phone reception. I don’t want to be a nagging wife, but I also really don’t want him to go – even though it would only be Saturday – Monday. Grr, how do I balance this?

Speaking of balance, I find the bump makes my center of gravity way off and have reached that oh-so-fun point where bending down/cleaning house is more of a chore than usual. My husband’s job has been hectic and he’s been working 12-13hr days. Understandably, then, when he gets home he just wants to sit and chill. Meanwhile, I have been trying to run errands and clean all day and am exhausted, but not going to bed because now it is time to work on my master’s thesis.

DEAR JESUS GIVE ME PATIENCE. I keep swallowing the bitterness that wants more help around the house, because I have yet – in five years of marriage (this week – happy anniversary us!) found a way to discuss his lack of helping around the house in a way that gets results.

Yeah, I know, this is hardly mommy-related, but I can tell you what, if he doesn’t feel the need to help his 37-week-pregnant, full-time graduate student wife with household chores, why should I expect help once baby is here? Everyone is telling me to take it easy, especially once baby comes, but I can’t when the house is falling to pieces and I am behind on schoolwork.

I apologize for the whine-fest, but this is reality – this is life. My husband and I have one of the best and most fun relationships I’ve ever seen and I adore him to pieces, but sometimes the work-life balance is a struggle. Every late night and all those long hours are to support me and this little one, I know…. is it selfish to want help at home too?

Posted in Letters to My Child, Milestones

Dear Child, Please Arrive Exactly on Your Due Date

Hi Baby, you don’t have a name yet, but I’m sure your daddy and I will think of something before you arrive. We’ve been trying to find the perfect name since December 20th, the day we found out you were a boy, but no luck so far. What do you think of Alexander? Ronin? Arthur? Tristan? It’s hard naming a human we’ve never met.

A few days ago we got to see you on the ultrasound (first time since December – my how you’ve grown in those 16 weeks!). You have stubby fingers (from my dad’s side) and you waved at us. Hi honey. We are crazy about you already.

Quick favor though. It’s about this whole birth thing. Can we maybe bulls-eye the due date? The doctor said at this point you can come anytime, but let’s aim for the 10 May area, as planned. You see, Daddy is being sent on a business trip the week before, just for a few days, and will be back May 6th, so don’t come earlier than that, please. And your grandma (my mom) will be here May 4th – she’d never forgive you if you showed up before her. Daddy’s parents will also arrive May 6th, so maybe let’s shoot for the 8th-11th? Any of those days would be fine. And let’s try for quick delivery, ok? I’m ok with pain most of the time, but, honey, your head is huge. Try not to ruin me, ok?

There’s a lot of people who can’t wait to meet you and you are already so loved… let’s just stick to the 8th-11th plan and we’ll be off to a great start. 😉 Thanks kid.


Posted in Milestones

Milestone: Swollen feet

And so at 31 weeks and 3 days, I had swollen feet for the first time. I blamed the fancy dinner for which I wore heels, but I’ve noticed it a few more times over the weekend. Apparently this has something to do with my body pumping 50% more blood volume than normal. Little guy is still happy and bouncing but this momma has some swollen feet. Yay, it’s started.

“Don’t sit for extended periods” says Google. “HA” says the grad student.

Currently attempting data analysis on my laptop with my feet propped up. They feel kind of numb and warm. It’s weird and I don’t like it.

Posted in Milestones, Musings on Mommyhood

Baby Anatomy – Was that a foot??

I first felt baby “flutter” at 16 weeks, and by 20 weeks (on Christmas day actually!) my husband could feel him kicking. Now at 28 weeks, this kid’s a regular acrobat. He especially loved that sugary glucose drink at the doctor’s this week. 😛  (no gestational diabetes – yay!) What’s starting to weird me out though is feeling parts of what is clearly an arm or a foot. It’s happening more regularly now that I’m able to feel actual body parts and it’s more than a little freaky… like I’ve got a little alien inside of me.

Milestone this week: we bought the baby crib! And a pair of Motherhood maternity lounge pants that I can’t WAIT for. Loving me some bump support.